In every ricer's life there comes a time when he must partake upon his epic ricequest to ascend into the annals of history. Here is one such story. We find our hero having previously slain the demons of engine reliability and resale value with his mighty bottle of potent elixirs brewed in the fires of mordor and contained by the wizards of NAWZZZ. His previous achievements were not only limited to destroying the soul of his orange steed, he was also skilled in twisting its visage. For he had gazeth upon his headlights unsatisfied and learned to adorn it with LED eyebrows of anger. And while his steed's foglights had once illuminated the darkest path, they now lay discarded, replaced instead with cold air ducts that could not hope to quell the heat that poureth into his mighty ride's maw or the solenoids that prevent its fiery demise. Only with the last of his strength was he able to erect his burly heatshield of bubble wrap, ductape, and aluminum foil to hold back this new found demon from his custom short ram intake. But our hero was not satisfied here either. For he saw a great darkness forming under his steed and was left with no choice but to drive it back with the power of LED spotlights positioned stalwartly in a line formation around the perimeter of battle. To help indentify himself to his allies and render feeble his enemies he also tatoo'd the flanks of his steed with the most powerful ship in the armada: The Pirate Bay flagship. Content now with his exterior armaments he steps inside his battle prepared ride. In it he is greeted with many blue and orange orbs of light placed there a full year prior. It is quite Spartan as it lacks the rear saddle and extra shoe many other similar steeds posses. But not wanting to actually reduce the load upon his steed our hero hath filled it with drums of war to announce his presence upon the battlefield.

Now, we return to our hero resting upon his steed after a long day of terminating the insurance policies of his foes and denying coverage to the dark sith lord. As he watches his favorite tale, "Tokyo Drift" for the 25th time upon his supernatural viewing screen which obeyth his touch, his vision stumbles upon something odd! An unsullied piece of original equipment still present from Lord Honda. It was the side vents which channeled the arctic airs from the distant north. "This simply will not do.", our hero thinks to himself. "I must defeat the evils of functionality and purpose in this device!", he proclaimed proudly. So he removed the vents from his steed and walked purposefully towards his secret rice lair where he stored his many weapons and instruments to fight against such threats.

He began by carefully analyzing the wicked device. He was sure to document his work so that other brave heroes could fight this menace too.



It was now necessary to break this foe into its basic parts. So he began.



He lifted the binding tabs of three and released the demon's outer armor.



Underneath this outer armor was another layer of defense that required one of his many riceous instruments to release.



However, our hero was able to find a fatal weakness in it.



And so he was able to pull out the beating heart of the channeling device and gaze inside.



At this point our hero was quite weary and returned to his study to contemplate the days events. For what seemed like forever he pondered how to rehabilitate the device to the path of riceousness. Unfortunately he could find no solution. He retired for the night to his most powerful viewing screen powered by the small but hearty micrognomes of Intelcoreland from the i7 district. He spent the hours gazing upon scantily clad lasses from faraway lands. As one particularly fascinating lady finished demonstrating her affection for another member of her persuasion, he was distracted yet again. The blue light from one of the cooling fans for the micrognomes had distracted him. That's when it dawned on him!

The next day he went to the micrognome breeding store to purchase additional micrognome cooling fans and proceeded back to his secret rice lair.

He reviewed his purchase and was pleased that he did not have to part with much gold for it.



Then stripped it of its packaging.



He was sure to remove its mystical tether from its retainer before beginning his work.



He utilized his finest blades to sever the fan from its shroud.



Our hero was able to free the fan from its cage



He was forced to separate the fan from its power core to remove its anti particle strip that would have forced it to rotate against the direction of the air ducts flow.



He pulled out his fusion gun and applied the fusion gel to the 4 posts of the fan.



Our ricehero threaded the tether prior to beginning his next step



He carefully centered the fan in the now gutted duct while ensuring it did not rub. He allowed the fusion gel to set.



Our hero then replaced the newly reformed channeling device's armor.




He then used his portable mana pack to discern the secrets of the tether and ensure the safe operation of the device (Please noteth that this image was conjured before the anti particle strip was removed to make the fan passive)



And then there was twain.



So our hero returned the devices to his steed. He utilized his knowledge of mana tethers and nuclear relays to wire the device to his blower motor so that the lights would only turn on when he engaged the air channeler. The fans were rendered powerless during the process so that they are powered by the energy of the air itself. As our hero gazed upon his victory he experienced the most powerful ricegasm any mortal could dream of. It was so powerful that our hero lay dead in a pool of his own seed. But do not weep for him. He has ascended to riceheaven and is now seated at the right hand drive of the Integra Type R.

 

I like interior lighting. As long as those aren't visible from the outside I wouldn't call it rice. Kudos for your creativity

 

Absolutely. Very impressed with your engineering skills!

 

thats a bit ricer but to be honest id totally rock it. i think we all have that little bit of ricer deep inside our hearts. amazing work!

 

Well written. I enjoyed the read.

 

one of the best stories ive read... at least in fitfreak lol

 

You're crazy Lyon...and pretty handy to boot!!

BTW, now I have a feeling whence forth came thou user name...

 

that's cool. but did it cancel out the ability to direct air flow ?

 

I want some of what he's smoking.

 

When - or if - I get to Lut Gohlien, I'm going to find the largest bowl of Narlant weed and smoke 'til all earthly sense has left my body

Yep. You have to use the center ducts for direction. This is about removing functionality, not improving it.

 

Crazy and effective as always haha. Nice write up

 

Omg I want I was gonna put LEDs in the vent but now I'm gonna HAVE to

 

Hahaha I might not rock these but I really dig the "riceousness" of the presentation. Kudos!

 

Awesome writeup! I definitely wouldn't do this, and it's still nifty.

 

DIABLO DOS FOR LIFE!!!

game was good. Ill play the 3rd one.

back on topic: loved the story.

 

Wow... just wow. That is so ridiculous... LY AWESOME!!

... now just need to take a "Haters gonna Hate" pic.

 

You need to install one on your chest now.